Chronicles Of A Father With Cents

Simple Life. Personal Finance. Family

How Did I Figure Out I’m An Introvert

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A few months ago I borrowed a book from the library called “Quiet” by Susan Cain. ‘Quiet’ is about how undervalued introverts are in all sorts of life and how can they empower the world with their quiet personality.  I was somewhat intrigued by this book beforehand because I wanted to read how introverts was able to handle our world of extroverts.  Lots of people have opinions on about everything and want to be noticed about it but with introverts they have the power of their own with their intensive focus, seeing the details that other don’t and being more productive during down time.

I also wanted to find out from this book if I was an introvert myself.  As I kept reading the book and stories about introverts’ frame of mind, I kept thinking, “Whoa, maybe I’m an introvert myself.”

Acceptance Wasn’t I Thought It Would Be

Starting from high school into college and to after college, I wanted to be accepted by friends as someone who is cool to hang out with and wanted to be relied on.  To prove that, I did stuff like going out partying almost every weekend, checking out the trendy restaurants that our inner circle of friends was raving about, traveling to explore other cities outside of California to with no other purpose than to site see and check out their party scene….you get the picture.  Just being a mindless kid coming out of college wanting to know what the world was offering.  It was great to do all these activities with friends but felt something was missing; I was not fully satisfied with myself!

There would be some days during that time where I just wanted to stay home to read a book or watch a Netflix movie by myself.  But I thought there was something wrong with me thinking like this so I end up calling some friends up to find something to do that doesn’t involve going out.  It would always be either playing video games or playing Texas Hold’em poker.  It was nice to do that but in the back of my mind I wanted to be home by myself.

I remembered talking to my friend over the phone and we were blabbering about random stuff and when the subject came up about plans for the upcoming weekend and the places we were going to. As he was discussing them, something clicked in my head and I interrupted him and ask, “Dude you think going to these nightclubs, bars, and parties almost every single weekend is a bit too much? Don’t you think we should cut down on it?” He responded by saying, “No, it’s great were going out like this because we may never do stuff like this again.  We should take advantage and enjoy it.  After that exchange, we continued to our plans for the weekend.chuttersnap-135797

At that time, it felt it was non-stop from going to one place to another; traveling to cities and having a great time.  But there was a place in my mind where I really wanted to rest, be alone and not let anyone else bother me.  Is there anything wrong with that?

About a few months before dating Mother with Cents, I cut down on going out with friends and had weekends going to library, driving around the city by myself, reading at home, and hit the gym for a workout on my own.  It felt great that I had this time on my own and regretted doing this stuff earlier.  I still wanted to hang out with friends but in moderation, once or twice a month but not every single weekend.  They would try to call me on days I didn’t want to go out and I would let it go to voicemail.  This is right before texting became the norm so they couldn’t text me. The next time I would see them they would ask what happened to me when they tried to call. I made up a reason like I didn’t feel good or helping my parents with something at home.  They had that look of ‘Oh, whatever!” and we would move on.

Reflection on What I Really Am

When I was dating Mother with Cents and started to get more serious with each other, I would cut down more time hanging out with friends but at the same time it made me reflect on some things that I never thought of throughout our times hanging out together.  I remember some events that made me think I was an introvert:

-Whenever we were at a party or nightclub, I would hangout with the people I know rather than meet new people. Having that comfort level was fine with me.  Even when friends were encouraging me to meet new people (aka girls) and try to know them I would shrug it off and not be interested.  I didn’t think I was shy or anything, it wasn’t my type of environment to meet anyone like that.

-To the point earlier about trying to stop going out too much, wanted to be more balance between being with others and by myself. I believe that I should have done more of it but was too worried how other would perceive me and defaulted to going out.  In the end, stressing out about how other would think of me should not be a big deal and should created that balance earlier in my 20s.

-Small talk was definitely uncomfortable for me. It can only go so far and felt like some sort filler conversation to chit chat. We could be discussing more topics rather than talk about how the weather was for ten minutes

-There were some occasions that I felt alone even though I was with a group people especially with large groups.  This is what I get for wanting to be with a group of people and not care what activities we get into.  Smaller groups work better since you feel everyone is listening to one another.  Larger groups tend to be overwhelming for me

-I tend to screen calls from everyone especially the calls that come out of nowhere. I felt like I needed to be in the right mood to pick the phone and chat.  I needed to prepare, gather some energy and I would call back.  For some, they pick the phone regardless of who it is but I guess I’m not comfortable in doing that.joshua-earle-64814

-Being in a huge environment was not that huge of deal for me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to attend something where a lot of people gather to see someone perform at a concert or to celebrate a special occasion at a party but I did not feel it was an euphoric moment where my emotions would show and get into the moment

-Needing some time to answer a question especially in pressured situations. On some occasions when someone wants an quick answer from me, I can’t come up with one because my brain is trying to function a thoughtful answer. I thought i was the only one who had to deal with this.

Acceptance of Being an Introvert

I recently took one of the random surveys online about whether if I’m an introvert.  After answering the questions, the results said that I’m a ‘Public Introvert, Private Extrovert.’ That pretty much sums up what my personality is.  It’s a good thing that I discovered this trait instead of pretending of trying to be an all around extrovert when I’m not.  I love being around extroverts, they fill up that energy I don’t have when we’re out and about, make people get into a great mood and fun to be around.  It’s why most of my friends are extroverts because they can offset from my introverted personality.

I am more than happy to accept my introversion.  Staying home with Mother with Cents and Baby with Cents makes me more at ease of who I am.  There is no obligation to go to a social gathering, I’ll go to those occasions when it’s the right time for me to go.

Being an introvert is a great thing. As an introvert, I try to be more thoughtful in answering questions, super focused, easy to please(quiet night and a book is all I need) and trustworthy.  I love being around people but you need that time alone(or with family) to gain that energy back and that’s when my introverted self kicks in.

 

What do you think of introverts? Do you have some traits of an introvert?  Please feel free to comment below.  Would like to read your perspective on introversion.

20 Comments

  1. I love introverts (and am one and my husband is one). I use the Myers Briggs test by Humanetrics. I read that book by Susan Cain it was really good! It is interesting that the education system is geared towards extroversion. Warren Buffett and Bill Gates are introverts. Freedom 35 has a great post on whether your personality affects finances asked PF bloggers what their personality was. Many early retirement bloggers are INTJ!

    http://www.freedomthirtyfiveblog.com/2015/11/myers-briggs-personality-types-bloggers.html

  2. I read that book, too. I’m a true introvert, as evidenced by my recent trip to Cincinnati. I couldn’t sit in the living room for hours talking with our friends. I had to go hang out in the bedroom to “recharge” by myself. I’ve always had an aversion to constant talking about unimportant things. However, I’d say I’m selectively introverted. I’m actually quite social and outgoing when I want to be 🙂

    • Yeah I am the same way. Their are times that I like to socialize and enjoy great company but after a gathering or two I need to chill out and re-energize myself because because having a few hours of socializing can take a toll on you. That probably one of the traits of being an introvert, being social drains your energy.
      Thanks as always for commenting Luxe!!

  3. I’m an introvert myself! I like being by myself and I like staying home. I also think it depends on my mood. I can do short conversations and then want to be alone for awhile but I can never do long conversations. I start panicking if I’m starting to come off as weird if there is nothing else to talk about lol. I guess we all have our own quirks and personalities but it is who we are 🙂 Great post!

    • I can do long conversations as long as it’s something I’m really into like personal finance(which is rare), sports, or nowadays parenting. But other topics I’m with you, I only can do a few minutes of and that’s all I got.
      Yeah we all have different personalities and as long as you accept it then you are comfortable with yourself.
      Thanks for commenting as always Melanie!!

  4. makingyourmoneymatter

    September 28, 2017 at 5:54 pm

    I’m definitely an introvert as well. I can totally relate to every single one of these.
    I can’t does seem to me that many things can be more difficult living in an extrovert world, but also many of my strengths that have helped me become successful are due to being an introvert. We definitely need all types of people!

    • We always read/hear advice that you need to be outgoing all the time and be an extrovert in order to be successful. But just being yourself and using your strengths can get where you want to be. And being an introvert can certainly get you to your goals because that’s your personality.
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting again Kathryn!!

  5. I’m reading “Quiet” at the moment, it’s a truly fantastic book. I find myself nodding in agreement to every single example she provides, and it all makes so much sense. Would recommend to pretty much everyone!

  6. I got a personality quiz (Jung’s/Myer Briggs) and it spat back 98% introversion. I wonder what was the 2% I got wrong…

    Blogging is the only social behavior I involve myself in and it’s more than enough for me. Anymore I overload and wish to be alone. My mom is an extrovert and growing up she assumed there’s something wrong with me and I internalize that. Now I’m just proud…because I believe being an introvert (finances and careers in order) is easier. Some think it’s not a good trait but I think its my best trait.

    • I’m with you, being an introvert is easier because you can go socializing for a certain amount of time then you can go back home to relax, enjoy time alone(or with your SO/family) for however long you want until you feel going out again and be social.
      Thanks as usual for commenting Lily!!

  7. I’m not quite sure if I’m an introvert, sometimes I feel energized by people and even don’t mind/enjoy leading the socialization. But other times, I feel like an introvert at heart. Whenever I take my myers briggs, I come out as an extrovert, but the most introverted kind.

    I do find it difficult to sustain small talk but in general I can even enjoy talking to strangers as long as it doesn’t fall to small talk! When I’m single, I like being in any size group and just being present even if there are separate conversations going on, but when I’m in a relationship, I feel the desire to be at home with my boyfriend or even just out doing my own thing without anyone else (or maybe with just 1 or 2 friends).

    I’m definitely not a partier or going out type, but I don’t know if that’s always the indicator of extroversion. Especially in the bay area, there seems to be tons of things to do/group activities that are more interesting than going out 🙂

    • I do like talking to strangers especially if it’s something we have common that can talk about for a good amount of time.
      When I started going out with Mother with Cents, I stayed home more lot and felt comfortable doing that. When I did go out with friends, I wanted to keep it at small amount like up to three other people. I like being in a small environment, makes me feel I could be more vocal than a bigger group.
      Thanks for commenting as always Jing!!

  8. My husband found this book and now I’m reading it! It’s such a good book! It has helped my husband, who is a huge introvert, give himself grace to be who he is. I’m an extremely sensitive extrovert. The extrovert part was no surprise, but in the south being sensitive is just seen as wearing your feelings on your sleeve and was always seen as bad. It’s nice to know that it’s not only okay, it’s just who I am. This is also an awesome book for all parents to read! It helps so much with your kids!
    Thank you so much for sharing this and I’m so happy it’s helped you !

  9. “Public Introvert / Private Extrovert” is how I feel I am. I’ve never taken one of the tests though (or at least I don’t recall the results if I did one a long time ago). I’m more of an extrovert around people I know and I’m comfortable with. I should check out the book you mentioned. Great post, Kris!

    • Thanks Kim!! I feel the more of an extrovert with my immediate family and close circle of friends. I feel more comfortable around people you really know makes me more outgoing. Yeah you should look reading ‘Quiet’ and also another one I’m currently reading, ‘The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World’ by Jenn Granneman. Both books give great insights of introverts.

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